Spin: Losing It

I want to lose weight so I can climb better. "Ride more and eat less," you say. Please. That is so 2005.  I prefer the modern way: Take a pill. But not those quaint over-the-counter dietary supplements or prescription diet drugs, because: (a) they often don't work, or (b) they can produce whoopie-cushion side effects like abdominal cramping, gas and -- my favorite -- "anal leakage." (Hmmm . . . I'm seeing a new market for those cut-out saddles.)  No, my get-lean program will employ what The Wall Street Journal Online recently identified as an increasingly popular fat-fighting weapon: prescription drugs designed to treat a range of illnesses such as diabetes and sleep disorders. None has been approved as a diet drug, but weight loss may be a side effect.

This trend of prescribing drugs for other than approved applications is called "off label." Sounds so
much nicer than "drug abuse."  For instance, I could shed pounds by popping the anti-depression drug Wellbutrin (may cause increased risk of suicide in children and adolescents). Or the attention-deficit drug Adderall  (misuse can cause sudden death or "serious cardiovascular events").
If those don't work, there's always the epilepsy drug Topomax. One woman who took Topomax to
lose weight told the Journal she suffered memory loss, her legs regularly fell asleep and her hair fell
out in clumps. She stopped using it, saying, "I'd rather be chubby than bald."  Wimp.  I, in contrast, am willing to make any sacrifice necessary to become a faster rider (except for the ride-more, eat-less thing).  After all, I'm only emulating my bike-racing heroes, who -- in the endless pursuit of athletic excellence

-- apparently think nothing of sticking a testosterone patch on their scrotums. And then, gulp, peeling
it off.  Talk about your serious cardiovascular event.

 

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