Spin: Losing It
I want to lose weight so I can climb better. "Ride
more and eat less," you say. Please. That is so 2005.
I prefer the modern way: Take a pill. But not
those quaint over-the-counter dietary supplements or
prescription diet drugs, because: (a) they often don't work, or (b) they can
side effects like abdominal cramping, gas and -- my favorite -- "anal
leakage." (Hmmm . . . I'm seeing
a new market for those cut-out saddles.)
No, my get-lean program will employ what
The Wall Street Journal Online
recently identified as an
increasingly popular fat-fighting weapon: prescription drugs designed to treat
a range of illnesses such
as diabetes and sleep disorders. None has been approved as a diet drug, but
weight loss may be a
This trend of prescribing drugs for other than
approved applications is called "off label." Sounds so
much nicer than "drug abuse."
For instance, I could shed pounds by popping the
anti-depression drug Wellbutrin (may cause
increased risk of suicide in children and adolescents). Or the
attention-deficit drug Adderall
(misuse can cause sudden death or "serious cardiovascular events").
If those don't work, there's always the epilepsy
drug Topomax. One woman who took Topomax to
lose weight told the Journal she suffered memory loss, her legs regularly fell
asleep and her hair fell
out in clumps. She stopped using it, saying, "I'd rather be chubby than bald."
I, in contrast, am willing to make any sacrifice
necessary to become a faster rider (except for the
ride-more, eat-less thing). After all, I'm only emulating my bike-racing
heroes, who -- in the endless pursuit of athletic excellence
-- apparently think nothing of sticking a testosterone patch on their
scrotums. And then, gulp, peeling
Talk about your serious cardiovascular event.
back to home page